Amazon Dash Goes Postal

Early this morning, Amazon released a blog post announcing its 101st Dash Button — one that will deliver consumers’ mail to them with a mere tap of the button.

The new Amazon Dash Mail Button will deliver Prime subscribers their mail, wherever they may be, via drone.

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This, notes CEO Jeff Bezos, is a massive innovation and improvement to the old system when users actually had to wait for their “mailman” to deliver their mail at a set time each day.

“Do Americans have time to sit around and wait for the mail? I think not,” Bezos noted in the announcement. “As of today, Amazon drones will make it possible for you to get your mail, well, maybe even within minutes of hitting the button.”

“And, unlike the old days, we’ll deliver mail anywhere you want it,” Bezos continued. “We can deliver your mail to your car, your workplace, that Chipotle where you eat every Tuesday.”

This follows on the heels of the announcement that Amazon made yesterday (March 31) that its Dash Buttons were getting a big expansion, with 70 new insta-order buttons for various everyday essentials. Dash Buttons are now available for Doritos, Starbucks, Red Bull, Charmin, Mucinex, Nature Valley, Brawny, Purina, Trojan and Vitamin Water — just to name a few.

With the Amazon Dash Mail Button, there are now 101 Amazon Dash Buttons available, with more being forecasted. The world’s largest eCommerce company says that orders via brand-specific Dash Buttons have grown by 75 percent over the last three months, and there’s now one taking place every minute.

It’s not yet clear whether the Dash Mail Button will generate more demand for physical mail.

Most American consumers noted some confusion at the move.

“I mean, it’s been awhile since I was really expecting a letter,” one user noted, “but, honestly, having all my catalogs delivered to my desk at the call center will really increase my social standing around the workplace. I think people will think I’m some kind of secret agent.”

The United States Postal Service also expressed some dismay at the move.

“They know they’re not allowed to just take mail out of people’s mailboxes, right? It’s seriously a federal crime,” Postmaster General Megan Brennan noted. “ And God help those drones if they try to take the mail from a carrier before it’s been delivered to a box. We take an oath, and those bills and other forms of junk mail can only be pried from our cold, dead hands.”

Reports of skirmishes between irate postal workers and delivery drones on the outskirts of San Francisco had not yet been confirmed by police as of news time.

Editor’s Note: This article is part of the PYMNTS.com special April Fools’ edition. Any connection to fact is purely coincidental.