Users Love, And Hate, Their Apple Cars

In a move surprising even by Apple’s standards, the company eschewed their normal extended ramp-up process for new products and booted their new, all electric, payments and health kit-enabled smart car out onto the market about 24 hours ago.

And, as expected, Apple fan boys came out in droves. Cupertino has sold out all 20 million cars within the first 24 hours. Those who didn’t manage to grab one early but might still want to drive the Apple way are now facing a wait that will be at least six months long.

“I actually line up outside an Apple Store every morning at 5 a.m. and just hang out there until like 2 or so each day just to see if anything new comes out,” a new Apple Car driver told PYMNTS. “I mean it’s not a big deal, I’m a developer so I pretty much can work from wherever and I don’t think I’ve ever actually been to my office. You know, I’m not even 100 percent sure where my office is. Anyway, I just sort of hang out here in case Apple announces something I need to line up for. People make fun of me, but, hey, that’s why I have an Apple Car and they don’t.”

However, as early reviews are starting to come in, it seems those consumers who have to wait a few months for the latest and greatest from Apple’s innovation shop may come to appreciate the extra time they have to think about whether or not they really want one.

It’s not that consumers don’t love the cars – according to a recent survey of 2,000 consumers that InfoScout somehow managed to wrangle in the last 10 hours – 80 percent of Apple Car owners report loving the product – noting that it is cool looking, has a great stereo and the smoothest ride of any mass market vehicle out there.

“Definitely the nicest car I’ve ever ridden in. It’s the features – within three minutes of getting into the car, it knew exactly what temperature I wanted my seat heated to, it had served up the perfect driving mix to listen to – it even serves up an app when it’s time to refuel and then self-navigates to the gas station! How cool is that??”

Other consumers positively reviewed the embedded Apple Pay app that actually allows users to shop while driving by interacting with Apple’s virtual personal assistant, Siri. In fact, the reviews of the car itself have been universally positive, except for one recurring issue – users complain that they don’t like the car’s attitude.

“I mean it’s the nicest car I’ve ever been in, and totally worth the $85K I paid for it- it’s just that, well my car’s kind of a health nut and maybe even a bit of snob,” one driver told PYMNTS.

The main complaint seems to be with the car’s integration with the Apple’s Health Kit – and the limits that it seems to place on drivers. Some users have complained the cars will literally not pull into a McDonalds – if users try to turn into a McDonald’s, the car’s auto-pilot takes over and drives them to the nearest gym. Others have complained that no matter what grocery store they program into the navigation, the Apple Car will always take drivers to a Whole Foods first.

And then there’s the issue with short trips.

“Look I get it, it would be better for my health and the planet if I walked more. But really, I think it is a bit much for a car to refuse to start if you tell it that your destination is less than two miles away. Yesterday, I had to lie to my car and drive somewhere far away just so I could turn around and pick up my daughter at preschool, because her preschool is only 1.7 miles from home. It’s on a main road! Also, I don’t think I should have to lie to my car – I own my car, it should just serve me. Screw it, I’m getting a Toyota – Toyotas don’t judge.”

Which leads to the second complaint about the Apple Car – when it is not overtly trying to force consumers into making healthier decisions, it seems to be at times trying to subtly manipulate them.

“Even though I disabled that stupid feature where it asks where we are going, I guess the car figured out the route to Walmart because on my second trip the damn thing started to play banjo music. Granted, I initially didn’t notice, because I like bluegrass. But by like the fifth trip – I go to Walmart a lot, OK, I have 8-month-old triplets at home – I realized that every time I drive to Walmart, the car plays banjo music and it hit me – “My car is literally stereotyping me.”

Apple has officially denied that the cars are programmed to play banjo music whenever drivers attempt to go to Walmart – though they have admitted the cars are designed to prompt consumers to consider healthier food options.”

“Look – Apple could just build a car that’s a nicer looking version of what’s out there, or we could really try to disrupt how transportation works,” an Apple spokesperson said in an interview late last evening. “The reality is, when Apple builds a smart car – we want that car to be smart, if at all possible we would like our cars to be smarter than their drivers.”

So far, however, the reviews suggest that the drivers seem to wish their cars were just a little bit dumber.


 

Editor’s Note: This article is part of the PYMNTS.com special April Fools’ edition. Any connection to fact is purely coincidental.