How The Smartphone Stole Christmas

All Merchants in the Mall liked Christmas a lot.

(With all the shopping and spending, how could they not?!?)

But consumers didn’t love the whole shopping season,

and honestly they had lots of really good reasons.

In the lot for a space you often have to fight,

and halfway through the day, your shoes are too tight.

But we think that the most likely reason for the hate of it all

is that no one wants to spend their holiday season trapped in a mall.

Whatever the reason — the crowds or tight shoes —

by the day before Christmas, most consumers had the blues.

Staring out from a long line with their sour, Grinchy frowns,

nervously pondering all the errands still left around town.

“Things for the stockings, totems of good cheer.

Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”

And ready or not, all the good girls and boys

would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their toys!

And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!

Noise! Noise! Noise!

If they got what they wanted, they’d yell, and they’d cheer.

If they didn’t, they would whine, then pout, then cry and maybe even jeer.

And that’s just the presents — there’s also the feast.

With appetizers, and salads and, of course, a roast beast.

(Unless they are vegan, in which case, their feast

will in no way involve roasting any kind of a beast.)

The grocery store — somehow even worse than the mall.

And yet even then that wasn’t the worst part of all.

Because after the gifts were all bought, comes all the wrapping,

of course, done during the night before Christmas, when most people want to be napping.

It’s enough to leave customers dreaming of Spring

standing in line thinking, “We must stop this whole thing!”

“Why, year after year, we’ve put up with it now!

We MUST stop Christmas shopping from ruining our lives, but just HOW?”

And then from the ether arose a disruptive tech.

Brought to us by a Santa in a black turtleneck.

“I know just what to do!” The Jobs said in his throat.

And then a new type of phone did he start to promote.

To a desktop computer they’ll no longer be bound.

When on the Net, they found they could start to surf all around.

They can browse on their phones and buy things instead

of standing in line, rapidly filling with dread.

In fact, maybe they could even starting paying with their phones, too

(though we’d have to persuade them that’s something they’d want to do).

And as the iPhones did ship, soon came the tablets

and smartwatches, eReaders and, of course, all the phablets.

A change in people’s shopping habits could be seen everywhere,

and Black Friday began losing its power to ensnare.

‘Cause why stand in line when you can shop in your jammies

and still buy your gifts for your mom, dad and grammy?

And with Amazon delivering everything on one’s list,

physical commerce was something people found they didn’t miss.

The malls — oversized — were the first things to go

(except for the fancy ones where they put on a good show).

But then the big box stores started looking not nearly so pleasant,

since you could tap on a smartphone and get every present.

Barbies! And bicycles! Rollerskates! Drums!

Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! Even plums!

They will come stuffed and boxed, hand-delivered quite nimbly,

until Jeff Bezos can get his drones down your chimney.

And not just the gifts, there is also the feast.

Instacart will be quite happy to deliver that roast beast!

And because consumers demanded, the shipping is mostly all free.

So, as a nation, we said, “Shopping in person is just not for me.”

So, what’s a physical retailer to do?

When Amazon’s selling all the presents for all the Cindy Lou Whos?

They could fight, they could scream, they could ask themselves why

or leverage the smartphone for commerce themselves they might try.

Sure, two-day delivery is really quite quick,

but same-day pickup in store is a faster trick.

And while they’re in store, those consumers look around,

since there might be all sorts of neat things to be found.

Perhaps nicely staged so that it can inspire

and build in the shopper an unknown desire.

To buy it right now and bring it back to their house

to impress their friends, neighbors, children and spouse.

And maybe also some presents, or ribbons or wrappings,

or tags, or tinsel, or trimmings or trappings!

Because when they go to the store that way, what consumers usually do

is grab up an extra item or two.

Because let’s face it, when the right gift is found, the sweet sounds that a merchant hears

is the sound of a customer’s relief, happiness and good cheer.

And whether it is bought in a store or online,

it can be the best part of Christmas some of the time.

Because as we learned yesterday, nothing stops Christmas from coming! IT CAME!

Somehow or other, it came just the same!

Because whether you like Apple or Google,

spend lots of money or with digital coupons are frugal,

do it all on Amazon, go to the mall or shop some other way,

we bet getting those gifts grew your heart three sizes that day.

So, maybe smartphones didn’t steal Christmas, maybe they just made it better,

by making it easier to find everyone the right ugly sweater.

And sure it may not have brought us world peace,

but it sure made it easier to get a good price on the roast beast.