Gingrich Bags Moon Colony to Take On NFC Ignition

How can a man be expected to impress voters when the prospect of building a colony on the moon isn’t enough? He takes on the next biggest challenge: igniting NFC payments in the U.S. has been given exclusive access to excerpts from a speech that presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich will actually never deliver to anyone ever.

“I know that there are at least a few people who believe that NFC represents the future of commerce here in the U.S. Today, I say to those six or seven Americans — I stand with you!”

“Putting a chip inside a smartphone so that you can tap with your mobile offers consumers the convenience of reaching into their right pants pocket instead of their left one,” the speech contends. “Being forced to hand over a credit card, and THEN wait 0.7 seconds for that card to be swiped, is unacceptable! It’s un-American, and unconstitutional!”

Despite its strong language, the speech offered few details about how NFC would actually be proliferated for use throughout America. Those details could be released as part of the grand opening of Gingrich’s new Center for NFC Ignition, which will set up shop on K Street in Washington, D.C.

**This article is 100% fabricated for your enjoyment in celebration of April Fools Day!**


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