The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB) has officially given up, releasing a statement this morning that said that the government agency will officially be closing up their offices and going home, effective “right now.”
Noting that the first day of April had been a very trying day, with Carl Icahn being revealed as the world’s 18th largest economy, Visa buying WalMart and Google blackmailing the American public among other very strange happenings, it just really wasn’t even worth their effort.
“After today’s events, I am reasonably sure the American consumer isn’t bothered by anything. No matter how many cars randomly accelerate into traffic, people are still going to buy Toyotas,” said director Richard Cordray.
Cordray further noted that he wished consumers all the best of luck and offered his assurances that they would be completely fine.
The above is part of PYMNTS annual April Fools edition and should not be mistaken for serious or factual coverage. This is all in good fun, please don't cite us.