Obama Declares Bitcoin A National Currency

Editor’s Note: This article is part of the special April Fools’ edition. Any connection to fact is purely coincidental.


In an unprecedented federal government-sponsored collaboration, President Barack Obama and White House leaders, including the CFPB, have come together to open up a national dialogue about one topic that’s been creating a lot of buzz in the media: getting rid of cash in favor of a trusted digital currency known as bitcoin.

The bill, sponsored by former Republican presidential candidate Rand Paul, is expected to get the President’s signature at the White House Bitcoin Summit next week where he’ll finalize the measure with some newfound bitcoin supporters by his side.

This includes major executives across the payments and commerce ecosystem, including: MPD CEO Karen Webster, the CEOs of the nation’s top banks and the CEO of Amazon, who has enabled bitcoin acceptance on its eponymous website. A celebrity guest appearance will reportedly be made by the infamous Iron Mike — Mike Tyson — who is said to be helping install the first bitcoin ATM on Capitol Hill following the big event.

Recognizing the tension that may arise at such an event, Obama addressed the country in an early morning press briefing today (April 1) leading up to the event.

“Folks, today isn’t about blue states or red states. It’s about the United States of America — a country which was founded on the great principles that have guided us to where we are today. That’s why I’m proud to announce that Congress has officially voted upon a measure that will move the country forward, united under one central currency: bitcoin.”

When questioned about the price volatility associated with bitcoin or the criminal activity associated with the digital currency, Obama scoffed at the idea that there was any reason to be concerned about adopting bitcoin as the national currency.

“Remember the days when folks thought the dollar was a dumb idea? Me too,” Obama asserted. “What’s dumb is printing paper money with the faces of dead Presidents and such on it.”

“Let me be clear, here’s the deal: Make no mistake that bitcoin is our future. A future that I promise is greater together. And greater with bitcoin leading the way,” he concluded.

Bank CEOs, Amazon’s CEO and Webster were said to have had several secretive meetings over the course of the last several months about aligning their support around this initiative.

“What can I say — bitcoin just grew on me,” Webster said in an exclusive interview with PYMNTS. “At first I thought it was, well, pretty ridiculous. But then once I got my hands on some of those little bitcoins and watched that blockchain fire up and process those transactions, well, my heart literally skipped a beat.”

Webster said the trio spoke about how they could work across industry interests to help promote bitcoin’s potential as a national digital currency including integration into Chase Pay as the default payment option, and to add a “one-click” bitcoin payment checkout button on Amazon’s website and mobile app.

“It’s a no brainer,” the execs said — in unison.


Latest Insights: 

Our data and analytics team has developed a number of creative methodologies and frameworks that measure and benchmark the innovation that’s reshaping the payments and commerce ecosystem. The July 2019 AML/KYC Tracker provides an in-depth examination of current efforts to stop money laundering, fight fraud and improve customer identity authentication in the financial services space.

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