Snooki Hits Payments with Her Own Prepaid Card

In an attempt to benefit from the overwhelming popularity of competing celebrity-endorsed prepaid cards, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is launching a reloadable product of her own.

Polizzi is best known for her role on MTV’s hit reality series Jersey Shore. Her own website describes her as “a 4 foot 9 firecracker from New York who proudly shows off the lifestyle of being a guidette,” and attributes her nickname to her “loud, outgoing and hysterical personality.”

The benefits offered by the fittingly named GuidetteCard make the product stand out from any other prepaid card on the market. The card can only be used at tanning and nail salons, bowling alleys, bars, and shoe stores that sell platforms. And in an effort to be a socially responsible product, it is enabled to restrict the purchase of alcohol or tobacco products by pregnant cardholders. It also offers 5% cash back on any purchase at the stores named above located on the Jersey Shore.

When asked about load fees, Polizzi commented that since the card could not be used to purchase alcohol while pregnant, there was no risk of anyone wanting to use the card while loaded.

“It is going to be [expletive deleted] unbelievable, Polizzi remarked. “It’s something I wanted to do ever since that Kardashian [expletive deleted] launched that [expletive deleted] Kard last year. That thing was so [expletive deleted] stupid.”

The GuidetteCard will be available starting Memorial Day weekend, just in time for the summer crowds on the Jersey Shore.

**This article is 100% fabricated for your enjoyment in celebration of April Fools Day!**