Card Issuers Turn Tables, Start Building Telephones into Plastic Cards

An unnamed plastic payment card manufacturer is preparing to announce an explosive breakthrough: the firm has managed to fit telephone-calling capabilities onto a plastic mag stripe card.

“Every day, every PYMNTS.com headline is about a mobile app, or an NFC phone, or another one of those dongles,” the source actually said. “If people are so sure they want to pay with their phones, why not stick with the form factor that is already used at every single point of sale in the world today?”

The source refused to provide any specific information — just that the technology really does work, and that the company expects to sell “about a kagillion” of the new cards over the balance of 2012.

“It is just so logical – and obvious! That is what makes it so unbelievable to me that no one has ever thought of it before,” the source went on to say. “It totally solves the problem of merchants having to integrate new things at the point of sale. This also speaks to the trend where more and more people are eschewing fancy phones for ones that just make basic calls. With this PhoneCard, you truly have an easy-to-carry device that also makes phone calls. What more do you need?”

PhoneCards will be beta tested in three cities in the US starting this Fall.

**This article is 100% fabricated for your enjoyment in celebration of April Fools Day!**

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